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<title>i can't sleep (but i can dream) by demonicneonfishy</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29611917">i can't sleep (but i can dream)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicneonfishy/pseuds/demonicneonfishy'>demonicneonfishy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>february angst-fest (febuwhump 2021) [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Old Guard (Movie 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brief Alcohol Mention, Dreams, Drowning, F/F, Minor Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, POV Quynh | Noriko, Quynh | Noriko-centric, as in. they're both there, in the very first part</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:47:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,007</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29611917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicneonfishy/pseuds/demonicneonfishy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s torture to see them, sometimes, and yet she savors every small moment she sees in her dreams.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>february angst-fest (febuwhump 2021) [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i can't sleep (but i can dream)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>day 21 of febuwhump 2021<br/>prompt: torture<br/>(title from boat accident, keuning)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m cutting you off,” Yusuf tells Nicoló, snatching the wine away from him.</p><p>“Give it baaack,” Nicoló whines, but Yusuf just smiles and holds it away from him. Andromache snorts as she watches Nicoló try (and fail) to take it back, and Quynh just watches them both with a fond exasperation.</p><p>Eventually, Nicoló seems to decide that his efforts are futile, and gives up, relaxing into his previous position - lying on the ground beside Yusuf with his head in Yusuf’s lap.</p><p>“Well, now we know Nico can’t hold his alcohol,” Andromache jokes, and Nicoló glares at her.</p><p>“Yusuf, they’re being mean to me,” Nicoló says.</p><p>“And you deserve it,” Yusuf tells him. Nicoló swats him on the arm, and Quynh laughs.</p><p>
  <em> She feels the water brushing against her skin, she does not have long left, she doesn’t want to wake up- </em>
</p><hr/><p>The bottom of the ocean is so, so dark.</p><hr/><p>She and Andromache lie on their backs, side by side. There are millions of stars spread out above them, and no matter how many times she sees them, the sight never fails to take her breath away.</p><p>The world changes around them, and yet the stars remain the same, from the moment of her first death to now. The wide expanse makes her feel tiny and yet infinite at the same time.</p><p>Now, lying in the desert with Andromache by her side, they are the only two people in the world.</p><p>“They haven’t changed,” Andromache says softly. Quynh tilts her head to look at her, and sees the stars reflected in her eyes. “Not in all this time.” There’s a kind of melancholy wonder in her voice as she tilts her head to look at Quynh. “It’s just you and me.”</p><p>Quynh takes her hand. “Until the end.”</p><p>
  <em> Darkness shrouds her, there is no light down here, let her stay, just a little longer- </em>
</p><hr/><p>She’s almost starting to forget what the stars look like.</p><hr/><p>The sun reflects off the snow, so much that it almost hurts to look at. There’s white everywhere, in the sky, on the ground, on the faces of his fellow soldiers.</p><p>
  <em> She can almost feel it, the cold on her skin. A dream more vivid than any she’s had before. </em>
</p><p>The bitter wind bites at him. He barely has the strength to move, and yet he must. They will freeze here, they will all perish. They cannot survive this.</p><p><em> She would take freezing to death over this </em>.</p><p>He stands on a makeshift wooden platform, rope around his neck. Then the platform drops out from under him, and he’s choking, clawing at the rope, he doesn’t want to die, he’s not ready to die.</p><p>
  <em> She can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t breathe, don’t make her go back there- </em>
</p><hr/><p>There’s another one.</p><hr/><p>Nicoló is the first to find him, pale eyes concerned, reaching out a hand to help Sebastien to his feet. Yusuf is not far behind. And a few moments later, Andromache joins him.</p><p>
  <em> Andromache, her soul calls out, Andromache, Andromache. </em>
</p><p>“Who are you?” Sebastien asks. </p><p>“We’re like you,” Andromache replies. </p><p>
  <em> Her heart aches at seeing them again, they’re alive, they’re alive, they’re alive- </em>
</p><hr/><p>She misses them with all her heart.</p><hr/><p>Sebastien gasps awake, trying to remember how to breathe, the sensation of water in his lungs gradually fading.</p><p>“What is it?” Nicoló asks.</p><p>“There was- there was a woman- she was drowning-”<br/>All three of them go quiet. Andromache stands and walks out of the room without a word.</p><p>“Was she- is she one of you?” Sebastien asks.</p><p>“Her name was Quynh,” Nicoló says shakily.</p><p>
  <em> They forgot her, they forgot her, they left her alone to die down here- </em>
</p><hr/><p>Why don’t they search for her?</p><hr/><p>Booker’s phone is ringing, and he reaches into his pocket to answer it. “Copley?”</p><p>“I’ve found someone who may be able to help you. He’s seen my research, and he wants to study your gift. He may be able to find a cure.”<br/>“What would he want?” <br/>“Proper evidence, maybe some blood samples.”</p><p>“The others won’t agree to that.”<br/>“Then find a way. Or I cannot help you.”</p><p>Copley hangs up.</p><p>Booker leans against the wall and sighs.</p><p>
  <em> Don’t do it, why would you do it, you can’t betray them, she’s calling out but he can’t hear her- </em>
</p><hr/><p>The saltwater stings her eyes.</p><hr/><p>“Eastern Turkey,” Andy says.</p><p>Booker whoops in victory, and Joe laughs so hard he almost falls out of his chair.</p><p>“Grazie mille, Nicky,” Booker says, taking the money on the table, “sei molto bene.”</p><p>“Prego, prego, prego,” Nicky responds. He falls back into his chair, covering his face with both hands.</p><p>Andy smiles at them all.</p><p>“Admit it, boss, you missed us,” Joe says, half-teasingly.</p><p>“I did,” Andy says sincerely.</p><hr/><p>It’s torture to see them, sometimes, and yet she savors every small moment she sees in her dreams.</p><hr/><p>The bright glare of the sun, the heat of the desert.</p><p>
  <em> She can almost feel the warmth. But this is not like her dreams of Booker. This is new. </em>
</p><p>Two gunshots. The quick slash of a knife. She chokes on her own blood, her hand moving to her throat.</p><p>
  <em> She’s drowning, drowning, drowning- </em>
</p><hr/><p>She screams, trying to reach them somehow, trying to warn them about what Booker is going to do. </p><hr/><p>“She feels crazy,” Nile whispers.</p><p>“Five hundred years in a box at the bottom of the ocean would make anyone insane,” Joe says.</p><p>Nicky stares ahead at nothing, and Booker stares at the ceiling.</p><p>
  <em> Don’t trust him, don’t trust him, you can’t trust him, he’s going to hurt you all- </em>
</p><hr/><p>She screams again, beating at the metal with her fists. She has to get out, has to find them, has to stop Booker from hurting them. Even if they left her. Even if she has been drowning for five hundred years. </p><p>She cannot let her family meet the same fate. </p><p>The water is filling her lungs. She does not have long.</p><p>...</p><p>Again. Again. Again. She has to get out.</p><p>...</p><p>After five hundred years, the metal gives way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>quynh is going to go yell at booker<br/>-<br/>i'm demonicneonfishy on tumblr too if you wanna come say hi!! (or yell at me for the angst)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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